So, as per my previous post, I’m up late on a coffee high!
After lying in bed for a good hour or two I’ve actually had quite a few revelations about the current state of my love life. Well, to be fair, it’s not entirely appropriate to use the word love. My life has been devoid of love for quite some time now and, up until recently, I had believed it to be fine.
To me love was all about laying yourself bare to another. Couldn’t handle it. Didn’t want to take the risk. I’m the last person you’d call trusting, especially when it comes to men, so when I stumble upon a genuinely nice guy I tend to ruin things by remaining closed off. I can’t pin-point the exact moment when my faith in love died but I will say that it can be resurrected. Surely it can.
This year has proven to be a series of surprises.
January: It’s my celebratory birthday dinner – I meet a guy – He’s cute but I think nothing of it. He’s not exactly the type of guy I’ve dated in the past – Somehow I end up with his number.
March: Back to being a Single Pringle! The details are irrelevant. It was fun, he was cute, it was short-lived but completely eye-opening.
What I realised after having had the swiftest, most casual relationship of my life, is that I’m willing to give love another chance. After quite the hiatus, love is making a comeback. What exactly drove me to this conclusion? It was the ambiguity of the past 2 months. All the confusion and push-and-pull was completely disorientating: not for one second was I certain of what I was doing (Alright alright, it was probably the love child of Mr. Booty and Miss. Benefits). I ate a lot of things that looked like this:
On top of this, I was never sure of how I actually felt about him. He was cute, confident, charming as hell, completely different to any other guy I’ve dated, but also moody, picky, kind of self-centred and a little devilish. So did I love him? Heck no we only saw each other like 5 times. Was I starting to like him? Yes… but this is now irrelevant.
What I took away from the experience is what matters: the ability to finally admit that I had misplaced my rose spectacles. They weren’t sitting atop my nose. They were gone.
With the death of love I had lost my sense of optimism, but luckily love has nine lives and has only died on me once. I think it’s high time that a blow is dealt to the tyrannical rule of cynicism! No more closing myself off to the possibility of falling for someone; it’s time to think less and feel more.
The border has been re-opened. All trade embargoes have been abolished. I’m back in business.