A wise girl kisses but does not love, listens but does not believe and leaves before she is left.
As I read the words of Marilyn Monroe I realize how very true these words would seem if I look back on the last 12 months of my life …
This could have passed as my life motto.
A previous rendezvous with a certain gentleman, who had as much spine as a puddle of jelly, left a rather bitter after taste. The immediate implications of such a toxic liaison was an addiction to yoga (to calm my mind) and a dramatic increase in girl’s nights (to calm my heart). After the battle scars of that particularly tumultuous relationship were superficially healed, I learnt how to enjoy being single again.
It was (and still is) bloody brilliant!
Problem was… I got a little too addicted to the feeling of being unattached. I dated as any other normal girl would, and I certainly did not develop some sort of promiscuous habit, but my closest friends could tell that there was something wrong with my indifference to the concept of “being in a relationship”. The only way to describe it would be… a lack of feeling.
“A little too passive” was how one friend described it.
On the flip side, I was still trying to live by my “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen one way or another, so why should I force anything?” mantra.
The universe has a funny way of slapping some sense into me. Apparently it’s preferred method involves setting me up with a man that completely shocks my system. I still find myself laughing at the whole experience, not in a derisive way, but in a slightly amused and totally accepting manner. He was… a little bi-polar, very intense, completely charming and just as much cynical about love.
It freaked me out a little, seeing so much of myself in another person, the cynical and stubborn part of me that has rarely found another empathetic soul to mumble away with.
I dont see this person anymore, and they’re probably unaware of the impact that they have made… but for what it’s worth, I am eternally thankful for having known him. I owe this person a great debt, for all his shortcomings, sorrows and flaws, he taught me how to live with an open heart. More importantly, he made me laugh, and as stupid as this sounds, laughter always works phenomenally well on me.
(Oh god, I’m such a sucker for a sense of humour and pearly whites!)
I wouldn’t say that I am completely cured, and I doubt that I will ever become a happy-go-lucky optimist when it comes to love (bleh I still find it awfully cheesy), but I am at least willing to stick around and see what happens.
Dom nos fata sinunt, oculos satiemus amore; nox tibi longa venit, nec reditura dies
While the fates allow us, let us fill our eyes with love; the night comes long for you, and the day will not return.