So much buzz about racial abuse on Sydney’s public transport system. Well, Ive had and probably will continue to have run-ins with racist bigots myself, but Ive made my peace with it because I’ve come to realize this: It doesn’t take much strength or skill to hurl words of hate at a another person. It’s the easy option for people who are weak of mind and full of hatred. And that hatred is probably symptomatic of the suffering they inflict upon themselves, every day, by living a life that is completely choked by negativity and ignorance.
Meanwhile, I get to eat delicious delicious dumplings that my Chinese mum made.
We have to realize that our choices define us. We run on records and build reputations, and because we are limited in the way we understand the motivations of others, we must form estimations based on past behaviour. Never forget that you will be judged and measured by this. Some choices hurt others, and regardless of whether there is regret or forgiveness, they are recorded just the same.
In swoops the self-declared hero of the story, the Second Chance, braying about the inevitability of mistakes. But he is killed off promptly by the fact that his very existence is reliant upon there never being the need for the Third, Fourth and Fifth Chance. How rarely that happens. And at one point in the story, faith and trust will abandon him.
You may be wondering, why do faith and trust abandon such a noble cause? Because even if you are forgiven, for whatever hurtful or disappointing thing that was done, still it is impossible to venture into peoples minds and erase the fact that it occurred in the first place.
There is no going back, no way of wiping the slate clean. Your choices define you because they are a series of decisions you make based on the priorities that you assign to every aspect of your life. Make sure you do not lose whats important.
I’m tired of giving him the benefit of a doubt. Why? Because I do not want to date a man that makes me doubt myself. If I am only to trust and believe in the goodness of one person in this world, it will be me.
The ripples of seemingly insignificant decisions venture outwards, and in their wake, impact upon areas of our lives that carry much greater importance. Every action and every choice has its implications – the events of our lives are interconnected like 5 am dew-lined cobwebs.
Each drop is a possibility, a moment, a laugh, a solution, a love lost.
Sometimes I feel like I am so close to breaking point – like something inside me could snap without warning and I will just lose control of everything. People think that I am “so together” but really, I am so so exhausted.
Perhaps I am just tired today… usually I am pretty chipper hey?
Goodnight goodnight, I’ll let the ebb and flow of sleep erode away this fucking sadness
Addition: Hah it has been a couple of days since I posted this entry, and maaaaaan what a whinger. But hey, no lows = no highs. Life is great :)
When a guy is genuine enough to make the most hardened of girls fall for him, that’s the moment I will yell “How dare you! Don’t you know how long I’ve spent developing the perfect system for never letting boys in? What makes you so different? What gives you the audacity to attempt such nonsense!”
To which he replies, “I guess, in this instance, there is no perfect answer that I can give to remedy this peculiar situation. All I know is, this is what I want for you as much as for myself.”
To which I say, “Screw you and your perfectly charming everything! Now, good sir, please consider my proposal: that we continue this rendezvous without sensational expectations and wild-eyed hopes.”
She puts her hands on either side of my face, and the room falls away.
I have never gotten so lost in a kiss before. And then, the space between us explodes. My heart keeps missing beats and my hands cannot bring her close enough to me.
I taste her and realize I have been starving.
I have loved before, but it didn’t feel like this.
I have kissed before, but it didn’t burn me alive.
Maybe it lasts a minute, and maybe it’s an hour. All I know is that kiss, and how soft her skin is when it brushes against mine, and that even if I did not know it until now, I have been waiting for this person forever.