So much buzz about racial abuse on Sydney’s public transport system. Well, Ive had and probably will continue to have run-ins with racist bigots myself, but Ive made my peace with it because I’ve come to realize this: It doesn’t take much strength or skill to hurl words of hate at a another person. It’s the easy option for people who are weak of mind and full of hatred. And that hatred is probably symptomatic of the suffering they inflict upon themselves, every day, by living a life that is completely choked by negativity and ignorance.
Meanwhile, I get to eat delicious delicious dumplings that my Chinese mum made.
We have to realize that our choices define us. We run on records and build reputations, and because we are limited in the way we understand the motivations of others, we must form estimations based on past behaviour. Never forget that you will be judged and measured by this. Some choices hurt others, and regardless of whether there is regret or forgiveness, they are recorded just the same.
In swoops the self-declared hero of the story, the Second Chance, braying about the inevitability of mistakes. But he is killed off promptly by the fact that his very existence is reliant upon there never being the need for the Third, Fourth and Fifth Chance. How rarely that happens. And at one point in the story, faith and trust will abandon him.
You may be wondering, why do faith and trust abandon such a noble cause? Because even if you are forgiven, for whatever hurtful or disappointing thing that was done, still it is impossible to venture into peoples minds and erase the fact that it occurred in the first place.
There is no going back, no way of wiping the slate clean. Your choices define you because they are a series of decisions you make based on the priorities that you assign to every aspect of your life. Make sure you do not lose whats important.
I’m tired of giving him the benefit of a doubt. Why? Because I do not want to date a man that makes me doubt myself. If I am only to trust and believe in the goodness of one person in this world, it will be me.
Sometimes I get quite upset, thinking about the fact that this world is so beautiful, in all its majesty, and I have yet to see a tenth of what is out there.
I have lived and breathed for 22 years.
And all I want to do is travel, travel, travel.
The ripples of seemingly insignificant decisions venture outwards, and in their wake, impact upon areas of our lives that carry much greater importance. Every action and every choice has its implications – the events of our lives are interconnected like 5 am dew-lined cobwebs.
Each drop is a possibility, a moment, a laugh, a solution, a love lost.
Forethought is recommended.
– Jess the Cat
Sometimes I feel like I am so close to breaking point – like something inside me could snap without warning and I will just lose control of everything. People think that I am “so together” but really, I am so so exhausted.
Perhaps I am just tired today… usually I am pretty chipper hey?
Goodnight goodnight, I’ll let the ebb and flow of sleep erode away this fucking sadness
Addition: Hah it has been a couple of days since I posted this entry, and maaaaaan what a whinger. But hey, no lows = no highs. Life is great :)
When life, with all its splendidly happy accidents, actually gives you watermelons (yay!) instead of sour lemons (boo!)
Possibly-true-but-awkwardly-unconfirmed Scenario Uno:
When a guy is genuine enough to make the most hardened of girls fall for him, that’s the moment I will yell “How dare you! Don’t you know how long I’ve spent developing the perfect system for never letting boys in? What makes you so different? What gives you the audacity to attempt such nonsense!”
To which he replies, “I guess, in this instance, there is no perfect answer that I can give to remedy this peculiar situation. All I know is, this is what I want for you as much as for myself.”
To which I say, “Screw you and your perfectly charming everything! Now, good sir, please consider my proposal: that we continue this rendezvous without sensational expectations and wild-eyed hopes.”
To which he concedes, “Anything for you.”
I am feeling a very dark vibe tonight! Not because I am a horribly emo person, but because it brings an interesting balance to my I-am-so-chipper!-days.
Thinking back to the last time I ever loved a man, my fingertips made sweet sweet love to the matte black keys of my laptop.
And then this happened:
His love had stripped me of my armour. It was a starving pack of wolves. I was surrounded before I had even registered the danger, and quickly devoured before I could run.
It tore into my flesh, took chunks out of me.
I bled for him.
I still do.
Goodnight my sweet potatoes! (What did I say? Balance)
(I loved you… )
Realistically speaking, what happens when two people are separated because of circumstances that can’t be helped? They break up… they try to move on and forget that nagging “what if… ”
You tell yourself that perhaps it wasn’t supposed to work out anyway, because life is the way it is, and people can’t sustain a relationship if they are separated by oceans and time. So you forget.
And one day, you get out of bed thinking that this day will be just like any other, only to be smacked in the face by that insidious thing called Fate.
Besides from the lure of a fit yoga body, practicing lets me access an inner sanctuary where I can really center myself and focus my thoughts. It’s actually sort of like meditating by getting physical.
I breathe in deeply and breathe out negativity.
I breathe in deeply and breathe out regret.
I breathe in deeply and breathe out frustration.
It’s 4:30pm here in Sydney as I am doing my readings for an assignment due later today.
Just had a moment of realisation that 2013 has been one of the best years of my life.
I started the year with a birthday, family and friends that I am lucky to know, and a life changing holiday through Vietnam and Thailand. Haha it’s funny, because it’s so hard to pinpoint or organize into words the change that has happened inside of me (is this unbearably cheesey?) All I know is that 2013 has been amazing so far, and I am THANKFUL! But more than this, I notice the difference in the way that I look at the world.
Your thoughts really do change your world.
I’m graduating this year, so it really feels like a new chapter of my life, one that will hopefully bring a new level of independence and discovery.
I am filled with excitement and energy :)
Cannot wait for the ups and downs of this new adventure! Bring me failures (because that’s a perfect way to grow) and bring me sunshine!
(I have never been so chipper before, wow)